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Oh the Mum-guilt!!

As a busy mum you might well wonder how on earth you will ever find the time to create new habits and experiences in your life. 


Opportunities may come your way but that not so subtle voice of Mum-guilt steers you away from the dinner with friends, the time in the gym, the day at the spa, the money spent… on you!


New year’s resolutions, desires, dreams and plans can quickly fall by the wayside and for a busy mum, will likely make way for filling your day with the needs of others, work, housework, overwhelm, procrastination and ultimately frustration!


But that not so subtle voice can also become VERY subtle if enough time passes for there to be no question of spending time and money on yourself. It just doesn’t happen.


Have you ever said ‘I’m just too busy I don’t have the time/ I don’t have the money!’? 


What does that really mean?

“Never underestimate the valuable and important difference you make in every life you touch for the impact you make today has a powerful rippling effect on every tomorrow.”

The biggest catalyst for me making changes in my own life and ultimately becoming a life coach and working with mums, was the negative impact of my own self esteem on my children, my relationship and my career.


  • Do you have any idea how important you are?

I want you to let that question sit with you a while and notice the honesty of your answer.

Your Happiness Matters.

One of the primary culprits for clients seeking my help is the lack of fulfilment, happiness or success they feel they have in their life.


But where does that come from?


You long for control in your day but also a purpose and direction beyond motherhood and to find that balance and flexibility that allows you to relish both rather than sacrifice one over the other.


When your personal needs have not been a part of your life for such a long time, it’s not surprising that you might not know where to start to make it better and the doubts and fears around what is possible for you to take over.


  • Have you any idea how incredible you are?

Feel what comes up for you when you consider that statement – you ARE incredible.

My reality...

The real pivotal point for me was seeing my own reflection in my son’s behaviour.


He had been really struggling at school. He just couldn’t seem to shift out of the ‘I can’t do this’, ‘I’m just rubbish’, mindset. Then one day I had had a particularly low day myself. The house was absolute chaos, I had accomplished nothing on my ‘to-do list’ and the spiral of negative thoughts had been whirling in my mind all day to the point of tears.


After school I had sat down with Brent to help him with his homework and he just fell to pieces. ‘I’m just rubbish mummy’, ‘I’ll never be able to do this!


My heart was broken. And not just because my little boy was so angry and upset, but because I realised in that moment that everything that he was saying about himself I had been saying to myself all day!

What you hold within seeps out...

It was like a series of images from my day flashed before my eyes. 

The impatience of my mornings that always ended with me shouting by the time we left the house. 

My seeming inability to accomplish anything.

My struggle to complete tasks.

The time I wasted obsessing over what I was not achieving!


My day was literally filled with me sending myself around in circles, procrastinating and self deprecating.


All of the bickering between the boys and the challenging behaviour was a direct reflection of how I was feeling. I wasn’t cross with them – I was cross with myself.


Have you ever experienced this?


And in that moment with Brent I realised – The impact of my energy. The impact of my words and the impact of my thoughts.

“Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny.”

Empower yourself...

I realised that my focus was so completely on what I was unable to accomplish and what I thought I should be doing that I had completely let go of anything that empowered or uplifted my day.


I did nothing to make me feel anything other that awful about myself.


So I started paying attention…


To how I was feeling.

To what I was thinking.

To what I was doing.

“The secret of change is to focus all of you energy, not on fighting the old but on building the new”

This was the beginning of so much change and I believe and welcome that there is still so much for me to do and experience but from the moment I started paying attention to myself and prioritised my own well being in body, mind and soul the impact on the rest of my life was immediate.

When you allow your own dreams to come true you empower others to do the same.

I started to hear my boys repeating empowering phrases I used rather than the self deprecating ones. 


I felt in control of my mornings and my day which meant that my boys also started their day with calm and control.

The energy of our home changed from one of frustration to one of possibility.


  • Can you see how inspirational you are?

Look around you and notice who is absorbing everything you do. Everything you say.

The secret to your success lies in prioritising and being true to yourself.

YOU are so important.


We often believe that the key to achieving more is DOing more but in reality it is the opposite.


By prioritising your own needs, values and desires you get to choose to take action that aligns with that and say no to anything that does not.


It’s time to stop dancing to the tune of Mum-guilt and other limiting beliefs.


Everything you do for you will benefit others.


The impact of you is all around you. It is what you experience in your every day.


You have the opportunity to connect with that and grow.

Or to dismiss it and stand still.

“All that I seek is already within me.”

A huge part of my work is retraining my clients to prioritise themselves.


But you’re not going to do that if you don’t recognise the importance of YOU. The impact of YOU. The potential of YOU.


  • Have you any idea how much potential you have?

Think about what you really really want – if you let yourself dream for a moment. The difference between where you are now, and where you want to go in this moment, is just a small part of your incredible potential.

The real secret to sustainable change?

To create it from a place of empowerment and strength and recognise that prioritising you is not an indulgence.


It’s essential to your success, your positive impact as a mother, a business woman, a wife or partner, a friend, a leader.


A super simple, but not so easy exercise to do  is the Importance & Impact exercise.


  • Write a list of everything about you that stands out as important to you. Maybe it’s motherhood, your career, your marriage, family, health, fun, friends… there are no limits just consider what is important and specific to you.
  • For each item create a separate list of the impact of that thing. What are the benefits of this, on you, on your children, your clients. Do this for each item and then do it again. What is the impact of that impact? 
  • Do this 5 times per heading.

Now go back to that first question.

  • Do you recognise the importance of you?
  • Can you see how important it is that you do follow your dreams? 
  • That you DO live by your values? 
  • That you DO prioritise you?

If you would like to explore how coaching could help you to achieve your goals and dreams and create that balance and flexibility between your personal life and business you can book a free clarity call right here to meet me and have a natter.


Change starts with you – Live with Courage!


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